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Matt ‘Mulder’ Kamen gets paranormal, Hetalia-style

With an alien invasion on the horizon in Hetalia: Axis Powers – Paint It, White!, it might finally be time for the wacky cast of anthropomorphised countries to work together. While the movie sees Germany, Britain, America and, of course, Italy tripping over each other’s ridiculously stereotypical national foibles, it bears asking how our questionable heroes would respond to real-life cases of alien encounters.

Great Britain – The Rendlesham Forest Incident, 1980

One of the most notorious UFO spottings in the UK took place in a sleepy part of Suffolk. Lights were observed descending into Rendlesham Forest on 26 December, seen by both civilians and military staff at the nearby RAF Bentwaters and RAF Woodbridge bases. An investigation into the forest ended with reports from servicemen of inexplicable lights moving independently through the trees. Sergeant Jim Penniston reported coming across an unknown craft – which he later attributed to time travellers rather than aliens. The next morning, impressions on the ground and burn marks on nearby trees were found. Two days later, Lieutenant Charles Halt would lead another expedition into Rendlesham, intending to measure radiation levels, when his squad also saw lights in and above the forest. Despite Halt’s writing affadavits for the Ministry of Defence which are available to the public, talk amongst UFO afficionados persists of a governmental cover up of what ‘really’ happened on those nights.

Hetalia Britain’s response? He’d probably leave some fresh scones out for the aliens – who’d choke to death on his awful cooking – or think they were new members of his imaginary menagerie.

Italy – Varese Encounter, 1950

Factory worker Bruno Facchini stepped out for a break on an April evening, and was drawn to a glowing light. He reported seeing a circular vessel being worked on by “a light-skinned being”, seemingly performing repairs of some kind. As other creatures emerged from the vessel, Facchini began to run away, until he was knocked off his feet by a weapon that used a “beam of force”. He claimed to watch the ship take off, with the sound of a large beehive. While the encounter could be taken as the rantings of a tired manual labourer, police took interest the following day, finding burn marks, heavy indentations and scraps of metal.

Hetalia Italy’s response? He’d cry and hide. Then ask Germany to help send the scary aliens away. Then have a nap.

America – Roswell, 1947

Possibly the most famous UFO story of all time – the supposed crash landing of an extra-terrestrial craft. William Brazel discovered debris near a ranch he was working on in either late June or early July (dates differ). A report to the local sheriff lead to military involvement from the Roswell Army Airfield, specifically Major Jesse Marcel, and the recovery of a large silver disk that Brazel had moved from the crash site. News reports at the time indicated the army had revealed it found a flying disc, though these were shortly amended to stories of weather balloons. Over the years. eyewitness reports of the unearthly nature of the materials recovered surfaced, along with claims that the UFO’s inhabitants were also found in the crash – including some still that were still alive. Though widely debunked as a small town panic or outright hoax, alien enthusiasts still insist that Roswell remains a first contact encounter – and a massive, ongoing cover-up.

Hetalia America’s response? We’ve already seen this one – America’s pet alien Tony now lives in his house after crashing in Roswell. America seems pretty cool with it.

Hetalia: Paint it, White! is out on UK DVD from Manga Entertainment.

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