Matt Kamen strangles a puppy… for science
It’s gratifying to see a generation of people so interested in hygiene – that must be why you’re lining up to buy a series called ‘Bleach
’, right? If some orange haired janitor with a fancy mop (mop, magical talking death sword – whatever) excites you, hold on for these other heroes of the Japanese cupboard space!
Take Lion Corporation’s BRIGHT: it’s a liquid oxygen bleaching system that employs a two-way cap to provide an easy to use application nozzle. We’re blown away, and that’s even before we noticed Lion’s promise that its "Bright efficiency direct agent" uses powerful ingredients to remove both odour and
That might be a bit harsh for your domestic needs though. If all you need is to clean up after your less toilet-ready family members, try Pigeon’s Baby White bleach. It’s a softer formula, one designed for cleaning food or mess stains from baby clothes, fabrics, carpets or certain hard surfaces. About the only things you can’t use it on are wool and actual babies.
Applying potent chemicals to various surfaces isn’t the only household chore you may need to do – there’s laundry too. If you want truly soft and fluffy clothes, we recommend Sarasa, a detergent boasting perfumed fragrance and a cleaning effect enhanced by naturally-derived citric acid. It’s suitable for contact with skin OR clothes, so you probably can wash a baby with this. Make sure to hand wash though, as infants tend not to be machine-safe.
Of course, to take care of those irksome tasks around the home in a completely Japanese manner, you need to go a little insane. And what better way to get the cleaning done in an authentically genki way than decorating the bottles as an adorable plush animal? You’ll want to hunt down something like these spray bottle covers. They’re definitely not a complete waste of money, and nothing will make monotonous jobs more enjoyable than pretending to throttle a cute puppy (or a lamb, bunny, penguin) with every resentful, laborious squirt of window cleaner.
Of course, our favourite Japanese cleaning product is but a figment of our imaginations – but we like to think Mr Sparkle would eradicate dirt, grime and limescale, and leave surfaces with a gleaming shine and a zesty lemony aroma. If only it wasn’t made up for The Simpsons
. Frankly, it’s a bit disappointing that no canny businessmen have capitalised on the idea – tie-in merchandising and housework, now in one great product!
Alternatively, you can shirk your chores, let the rubbish pile up and just enjoy the other brand of Bleach on offer with the release of series 8, part 2. It’s on sale now – but it won’t disinfect your toilet.